I am feeling really discouraged tonight. I think I may have overworked my brain today. I am tired. I am tired of having no next steps in my life. Nowhere to go. Nothing to do next to help me grow and challenge me and develop me into a person of greater character. It seems like years where the greatest amount of my character growth has simply come from waiting. It hasn’t been, but it seems like it. I don’t want to wait anymore. It reminds me of a story I heard about Hell Week for Navy SEALS, the toughest week of their training when they go 5 1/2 days with less than four hours of sleep, lose loads of weight, are physically active pretty much the whole time and are expected to make good decisions during that time. But the toughest part of the week in the story I heard was like an hour when all the trainee was required to do was watch the sunrise (I believe while standing at attention) and smell the coffee and doughnuts waiting for him. But they were only available to him if he quit the training. If he ate them, it meant he was no longer training to become a SEAL, but had stepped away from the task at hand and fallen for a doughnut. Waiting is so much harder than working, especially when you are simply waiting for the sun to rise and smelling coffee and doughnuts. I would have a distinct advantage in this because I don’t like coffee or doughnuts. :) In the story I heard a very large percentage of the trainees that failed making it through the week, fell out while simply waiting for the sun to rise. Why is waiting so hard? I don’t want to fall out of the race while waiting. I want to run. I just need something challenging to do.
I have been studying the gospel of John. One of the things I have learned is how very important it is that I follow. I don’t want to quit while all I am doing is waiting for the sun to rise.
If we are unfaithful, he remains faithful, for he cannot deny who he is. 2 Timothy 2:13
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