Under qualified. Over paid. Overwhelmed. That is exactly how I feel right now. I wish there was another “under” word to make it catchier. I cannot believe the wild adventure God has me on. I don’t suppose He calls anyone to a boring life. I would not need Him for boring. I need Him for this!!!
I am so glad that meeting yesterday is done! I am feeling better in some ways. I am eating up the Word. I am running to God. I have been struggling with that lately. Morning quiet time, yes. The rest of the time. You have heard the story. Yesterday that wall came down. I am so glad! Now may it stay down for awhile!
The last couple days my life has been so bizarre. It is this conversation of where I am right now. I keep thinking how I cannot keep doing this. Then I wonder why I cannot. I am so ridiculously rich in spiritual blessings! Yesterday I was reading through Jesus’ last words in John 13-17, reminding myself what He told me to expect. Setting my expectations. “They will hate you. They hated me first.” “In this world you will have tribulation. Be of good cheer. I have overcome the world.” I love Jesus! He did the hard things first.
I was thinking how my life was displaying this type of expectations, but where were the good things I was promised. I didn’t have those, did I? At least not at this part of my journey. (Clearly, my perception was skewed.) I sat there. I started to go through the fruit of the Spirit in my head. Did I have love? Yes, I experienced it in abundance. Did I have joy? Yes, even in my pain. Peace? Like never before. Patience? Yes. I will wait, but with eager expectation while I wiggle in excitement or fear or impatience. Kindness? My heart is so much softer than it used to be. I care about people! Goodness? Goodness does. Yes, I do things. Faithfulness? I am learning commitment. I actually am committed to something. Ain’t my history. Gentleness? I am learning. Self-control? Well, compared to two years ago, there is no comparison.
There is a sign on my wall that says, “I will never need credit on earth for what heaven can reward me.” He rewards me while I am here. When I wrote the sign last week, I was thinking of having to wait.
In this world, I will have tribulation.
“If the world hates you, remember that it hated me first. The world would love you as one of its own if you belonged to it, but you are no longer part of the world. I chose you to come out of the world, so it hates you. Do you remember what I told you? ‘A slave is not greater than the master.’ Since they persecuted me, naturally they will persecute you. And if they had listened to me, they would listen to you. They will do all this to you because of me, for they have rejected the one who sent me. They would not be guilty if I had not come and spoken to them. But now they have no excuse for their sin. Anyone who hates me also hates my Father. If I hadn’t done such miraculous signs among them that no one else could do, they would not be guilty. But as it is, they have seen everything I did, yet they still hate me and my Father. This fulfills what is written in their Scriptures: ‘They hated me without cause.’ “But I will send you the Advocate—the Spirit of truth. He will come to you from the Father and will testify all about me. And you must also testify about me because you have been with me from the beginning of my ministry. – John 15:18-27 NLT
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