Tonight I am grasped by nostalgia. I feel compelled to blog before I retire for the night. I have been talked into taking a seminary class about recovery ministry in the church, and in the last two days I have read pages of the first book for the class. A book about a woman recovering from food addiction through a twelve-step program. My problems have never manifested in the ways her’s have, but her journey was very much the same. Addiction is addiction.
In curiosity I turned to my own blog to read my own story. I settled for a few posts of the hundreds available. I used keywords to find what I wanted, and finally I found it. I found that one post that I thought I regretted publishing because it was too transparent. I realized I was quite comfortable with what the post said, and I left it as it was.
Life is a journey. A journey taken with the twelve steps is incredibly fruitful and satisfying. I cannot always relate to the writer of my blog (myself), but I know that her story is true. I never attempted to tell a story here that was not the truth. In honesty, I am so grateful that it is hard for me to relate to who I was back then. I am incredibly grateful that the pain that twisted through me has been healed. Resurrection life flows through my veins.
So here is one more blog post. Perhaps that is all the more there will be. Maybe tomorrow I will say something again. Maybe I will not.
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble of heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11
It is crazy to think that I am going to say something again. I never expected my sabbatical to be so short. I don’t think I am jumping the gun; but I will begin slowly, and undoubtedly not daily, weekly and monthly – at least not in the beginning.
At first, there may be some vlogging. I want to continue having a break from writing, so that I can break as many writing patterns that I don’t like as possible.
So this video is what happens when I come home from church inspired, put on workout clothes (that I bought years ago when I worked out haha), and then spontaneously decide to take a shot at a possible first vlog (all the while wondering why I would do so after getting out of my pretty clothes).
On the importance of forgetting what is behind in order to experience Christ fully. Enjoy!
This afternoon, at this moment, at 3:13 pm, I have decided to take a sabbatical from writing publicly. I have loved recording my story here. It has been a journey in vulnerability. I am not ashamed of the work that my Savior has done in my heart during these four years of recovery. I simply need a break as I move forward making tremendous changes in my life. He knows the plans He has for me. I don’t, but I am sure they are going to be pretty amazing.
And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3:18
God works in mysterious ways. I am grateful. I wouldn’t want to pretend to know His plans. I am excited for the day when I am Home with Him. Today I am just working on doing things with Him. Not for Him, but with Him.
Wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 2 Corinthians 3:17
Part of me thinks that I really have to figure out once and for all why I write. Part of me thinks that it shouldn’t matter whether I ever know. I am raging a battle right now over this blog and what to do with it. Will it end? Should it end? How does one end something that they have done every day for over four years that has been such a tremendous part of their healing process? Does God want me to end it? When I am in submission to God, I believe I am supposed to keep writing. When I start thinking I am supposed to submit to certain people, I think I should stop because surely God can’t bless me if I don’t submit to them. Only godly counsel and I don’t think I God is asking me to submit to them in the first place. Do you ever get up in your head? Clearly I do.
Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 2 Corinthians 3:17
I am watching the Winter Olympics right now and wondering if I work as hard to fight sin as they do to win gold. Thinking about what Paul said about running the race and winning the prize and beating the flesh.
Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus… Romans 8
I am having a conversation with God about my blogging. I am not quite sure where to go next with it or what to do. I love to write, and I hope my story speaks to the glory of my Savior and not my own glory. My own glory is really unimportant. It’s been a crazy journey to this day, but as I have been contemplating being at another juncture in life, I am incredibly grateful how far God has brought me in the last chapter. He is glorious.
Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 2 Corinthians
Today I figured out why I am upset with God. I know that you haven’t really been hearing about my anger at God. I haven’t really been noticing my anger to God. It was coming out a little in my quiet time in my silence toward Him. I guess I was giving Him the silent treatment and figuring that He could speak to me through His Word and I would pray in tongues because I didn’t know what else to say. It is good to know the root of something. It came to me suddenly today after a struggle over something that was entirely unrelated.
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. – The Gospel according to John
Today I did life changing things and asked life changing questions. I am on vacation. It is awesome. I keep forgetting to write before going to bed. It is annoying. I am thinking of this vacation as detoxing my spirit and soul. It has been doing a pretty good joy of that.
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8