Tonight I am grasped by nostalgia. I feel compelled to blog before I retire for the night. I have been talked into taking a seminary class about recovery ministry in the church, and in the last two days I have read pages of the first book for the class. A book about a woman recovering from food addiction through a twelve-step program. My problems have never manifested in the ways her’s have, but her journey was very much the same. Addiction is addiction.
In curiosity I turned to my own blog to read my own story. I settled for a few posts of the hundreds available. I used keywords to find what I wanted, and finally I found it. I found that one post that I thought I regretted publishing because it was too transparent. I realized I was quite comfortable with what the post said, and I left it as it was.
Life is a journey. A journey taken with the twelve steps is incredibly fruitful and satisfying. I cannot always relate to the writer of my blog (myself), but I know that her story is true. I never attempted to tell a story here that was not the truth. In honesty, I am so grateful that it is hard for me to relate to who I was back then. I am incredibly grateful that the pain that twisted through me has been healed. Resurrection life flows through my veins.
So here is one more blog post. Perhaps that is all the more there will be. Maybe tomorrow I will say something again. Maybe I will not.
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble of heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11
Today I figured out why I am upset with God. I know that you haven’t really been hearing about my anger at God. I haven’t really been noticing my anger to God. It was coming out a little in my quiet time in my silence toward Him. I guess I was giving Him the silent treatment and figuring that He could speak to me through His Word and I would pray in tongues because I didn’t know what else to say. It is good to know the root of something. It came to me suddenly today after a struggle over something that was entirely unrelated.
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. – The Gospel according to John
I love that God is teaching me so much organically. Lately it has been true and heartfelt praise. I love the joy praising Him bring into my life. I also love how His joy in my life leads me to praise Him. He is my everything.
But the Lord said to Ananias, “Go! This man is my chosen instrument to proclaim my name to the Gentiles and their kings and to the people of Israel. – The Acts of the Apostles
I heard my Savior say, “Your strength indeed is small. Child of weakness, watch and pray. Find in me your all and all.” When I am weak, then He is strong. His strength is made perfect not in my strengths but in my weaknesses. Blessed be His name!
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
Tonight I asked myself, “Do you ever regret that you have to log in to your computer every night just to right on the blog?” Oddly the answer was, “No, I don’t. The price I pay is well worth the result.” Then I logged onto my computer and thought, “But I sometimes do regret that my free internet is faster. I don’t regret that it is free though.”
Tonight I am really grateful for the amazing community that surrounds me. I am incredibly grateful that I have learned to pursue the Promise Keeper instead of His promises. He is faithful. This morning I danced through my house singing, “This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and it is easy to rejoice and be glad in it!” He is so faithful. His Word I have hidden in my heart.
“Go! I am sending you out like lambs among wolves.” – The Gospel according to Luke
Our God a Mighty Warrior. He’s a consuming fire. In victory He reigns. We triumph in His name. This year is full of such hope. 2017 was a year of brutal pain in my life. 2018 is so far characterized by great hope. I have a general feeling that I will just keep getting more of it.
Therefore since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings. Because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance character and character hope; and hope does not put us to shame because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Romans 5
God is going to enable me to do everything that He has called me to do. He has promised me that. I am going to cling to that today and tomorrow as I exercise my brain! God loves me so much.
Now Mary stood outside the tomb crying. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb and saw two angels in white, seated where Jesus’ body had been…” – The Gospel according to John
I am so grateful for everything God has done in my life. I am exhausted tonight physically. I don’t know why. It is my easiest day of the week. God is faithful to keep all His promises to me.
The Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us. We have seen His glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. – The gospel according to John
Tonight something Beth Moore shared once comes to mind tonight. As I recall, she was talking about how she interacts with criticism she receives in her ministry. That when she receives a critical letter, she thinks something like “That’s just the beginning. I could tell you so many other of my weaknesses and what is wrong with me.”
Tonight the same thought strikes me about my life. I could write a book about my weakness and sinfulness and all the reasons God can’t use me to do anything. If you want to add a chapter, go right ahead. I am going to walk forward fully protected and covered by God’s grace. His grace is what empowers me to live a life of life instead of a life filled with death like I was prior to knowing Jesus Christ. I was reminded that the human heart is desperately wicked before God gives a person a knew heart when they believe in Christ. My heart was definitely desperately wicked without Him. My flesh, when I let it win, yikes!!! But God is bigger than all that and I am so grateful. Throw the stones. My God will catch every one, and they will fall to the ground harmless.
Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died, more than that – who was raised to life – is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Romans 8
My life keeps getting less boring. I think that must be a promise that comes with following Him.
“Truly I tell you,” Jesus replied, “No one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age: homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields – along with persecutions – and in the age to come eternal life.” – The Gospel according to Mark