Transforming Into Glory
Frozen. A famous Disney movie and how I feel when I am trying to get unstuck. I am too easily intimidated by the opinions of others. Too easily swayed into silence by one person opposing me.
I don’t need to be frozen. I can melt. I can move. I can change and grow. There is a fallacy in thinking that moving forward we will always remain who we are today in spite of the many versions of ourselves in the past. We wrongly think we will change less in the future than we have in the past. I think the reason I think that way sometimes is it scares me who I might become. I so often become someone I used to despise.
Take a few examples from my life thus far: I used to despise people who worked with children. They were not intelligent and without ambition. My inner me must have been struggling to break free. I’ve loved working with children for nearly a decade now. At first it was a humbling experience due to my own prior belief, but eventually I let go of my own opinions and the opinions of others and broke loose into full-blown love. I am humbled to have been celebrated on Mother’s Day for being a “mom” to all the kids in my life even if I have given birth to none of them. I hope the future holds many more.
I used to despise people who chose ministry and giving. Then I became that person too. I began to give and give and give… sometimes without boundaries. The boundary-lessness of my giving left me exhausted. I burnt out. Now I feel as if I am more of a taker than a giver. I don’t know if I am. I know the sorts of giving that used to fuel me no longer do. I need to be bold and step into another version of myself – one that embraces the changing human God made me to be. I came here to be a Mom and to write. It’s time I do both – in all the surprising ways that may evolve.
I used to fear and despise theology I now believe. I am constantly stepping into unknown territory, taking information back to Scripture and the culture of the time. Is what I believe true or are there freer possibilities? I am a person so many former versions of myself despised; yet I am happier, more content, and confident of God’s love for me. I don’t have to work and work and work for acceptance anymore. I have it because of the faithfulness of Jesus Christ. What will the new me be? I do not know. I can only surrender to Christ’s resurrection power within me and go along for the ride. Knowing the Blessed Holy Spirit will work in me to do the will of God. I am one with God, a truth that will remain in the future. I can count on that. How I will transform into God’s glorious image, I know not. YHWH does.by