I Long to Forgive
I want to forgive. Some people think I have. Some people think I handled things pretty well. Some people think I should be much angrier. Some think I should take revenge. Some don’t even understand why I am hurt. But what does it matter what people think? I just want to forgive and have my heart once again contain only love.
That anger, resentment, and derision is a heavy weight to drag through life. When I prayed about it the other day, I saw it as a heavy block of cement that I was pulling along. It was a block big enough to weigh several times my own weight. Anger is heavy. Derision and resentment are slow poisons.
Forgiving seems impossible. I wish it was something I could just force myself to do.
It doesn’t seem possible.
It would be easier to pick up my PR in the gym tomorrow.
I won’t be doing that either.
I want that nice veneer on the outside to not cover contempt. Why can’t I feel compassion for this person?
A few weeks ago, I realized just how much I despise them. Since then, my heart has been softening. I wouldn’t describe that person in quite as harsh a way as I did only two weeks ago.
I have been begging God to help me with this. I don’t want to be tied to that block of concrete.
Maybe it is like picking up my PR in the gym. Not possible tomorrow; but if I keep working my “compassion muscles” out, maybe in time I will love this person. Maybe in time forgiveness will be complete.
“Because God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’” (Hebrews 13:5)
My heart is tied to God’s. I have the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16). I can forgive.by